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You Can't (and Shouldn't) Take It With You

Like these 47 things to leave in the last decade.


"Sex and the City" Watching it today is like touring an urban museum of the late 1990s, but any more movie sequels and they'll be swinging in a nursing home.

Our 10-year delayed reaction to food trends elsewhere. In a word: cupcakes.

That's what she said. With apologies to Steve Carell.

Eco-extremists And their holier-than-thou pressure to go green.

Reality talent competitions that expose the fragile state of the human ego and the audience's penchant for mass cruelty. See Susan Boyle.

Polos over polos Apparently the preppy look can get douche-ier.

Crass labels Uh, see douche-ier.

Tween power "Twilight," "Gossip Girl," 13-year-olds acting like 27-year-olds. Unnatural forces at work.

MySpace Now even boring people are overexposed. Watch out, Facebook: Your privacy settings are on notice.

Suburban real estate lingo "Mixed-use," "new urbanism," "lifestyle destination": All code for another bland strip mall.

Doug Wilder But we'll miss him.

Butt lifts And any other cosmetic surgery in your nether regions.

Cosmopolitans The once-trendy ladies' cocktail that evoked hot bars in New York City is today the epitome of tiresome. Order one and brace for clichAc.

Stressed-out kids Competitive swimsuits that cost $500, SAT prep courses that cost $1,000, private college admissions consultants that cost undisclosed fees, music lessons and dance classes and research projects and business startups. No wonder they're annoying.

Hipsters Are no longer hip.

What happens in ____ stays in ____. Yeah, haha. We get it.

The Cheesecake Factory And all other overhyped, overpriced, overdecorated chain restaurants that surround mall meccas.

Colon cleansing Hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary fine-tuning would seem to render the human large intestine perfectly serviceable. If not, a vacuum up the wazoo offers us little hope.

Tweets, Tweeters, Tweetups. And all other forms of Tweetspeak.

Overpriced mac 'n' cheese Comfort food is a good thing. Repurposing a 99-cent classic into a $9 treat is a rip-off.

Avatars And any virtual world that encourages grown adults to eschew reality.

Literally Usually unnecessary.

Boosterism as Guilt Reality trumps false pride. Using our civic pride against us is an unattractive tactic for enticing us to float millions of dollars in bonds we're still paying back. Difficult questions are good. So is truth, even if it hurts.

It is what it is: Well, yeah.

Stalled conversations About race in Richmond.

Uggs Stumpy sheepskin-lined boots should be banned from use in Virginia's mild climate.

The North Face See above.

Coffee-shop squatters They hog the community couches and Wi-Fi but don't buy the brown juice.

Anything that is "epic," "fail" or an "epic fail." And especially talking about it.

Going viral.

Pet food that's better than people food Spoiling Fido and Fluffy with gourmet meals made from "choice" ingredients, replete with servings of fruits, vegetables and whole grains, is an elaborate gesture of domesticated love. It's also a massive waste.

No pants Or, leggings or tights in lieu of an actual bottom garment. Particularly loathsome when worn with Uggs and a North Face jacket.

Red Bull Full of sugar, sugar-free, on its own or mixed with anything. Besides, we'd all benefit if the people trying to get more energy would just sleep more.

Bogus deadlines to get city projects done E.g. the queen's visit in 2007?

Hybrid cars They just may have replaced SUVs as the most annoying and perplexing vehicles on the road.

Speaking in initials and abbrevs. OMFG, LOL, TMI, NSFW, MILF, J/K, TTYL: Language gremlins have co-opted our speech, and they make us all look dumber.

Reality stars who sell their kids The Gosselins, Balloon Boy, Octomom: A particularly slimy breed.

Ironic T-shirts Also, ironic facial hair.

The Mommy Wars Girl-on-girl fighting about the choices women make. Staying at home, working full-time, or any combination therein: Everyone is criticized, nobody wins.

iAnything and iEverything No elaboration needed.

Celebrities as health experts Tom Cruise railing against the vast conspiracy of modern-day psychiatry, Jenny McCarthy telling mothers across the nation not to vaccinate their children — thanks, but no thanks, Hollywood.

Hot mess Referring to anything as this, whether it's hot, messy, both or neither.

Food snobs Or, the locovores who have made where we buy food the most pressing moral issue of our day.

Driving Potholes on Interstate 64, traffic-clogged suburban roadways, fatal accidents — here's hoping for better public transportation in the next decade.

Dogs as accessories at Stony Point Fashion Park.

Incessant texting Especially when conducted across the table from your date, friend, or anyone else you've chosen to meet face to face, being glued to your Blackberry has become a socially sanctioned way to be rude.

Pandemic hype: Swine flu, bird flu, West Nile virus, SARS. We'll gladly leave these global health scares in the past, their cyclical natures be damned.

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