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Worn Down

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Here we go again, with the schools and all their nonsense. Last week Henrico County School Board updated its rules to prohibit a bunch of clothing options, such as low-hanging pants and short skirts. Are you ready for fall? Here's a short quiz to calibrate your knowledge of the unacceptable. Pick one of the following pairs:

a) Black hoodie printed with "ASS"
b) Crisp white shirt, starched
Answer: The hoodie is appropriate, because it refers to the nonprofit group Animals Supporting School, while the white shirt is a well-known symbol of class-based persecution.

a) Do-rag
b) Don't-rag
Answer: The don't-rag is allowable, as it's only worn by kids who promise they won't do wrong. Really.

a) Pleated khaki pants
b) Black mesh T-shirt with holes cut for nipples (men's size)
Answer: The black mesh tee is appropriate, as it conforms to school standards of proper ventilation, preventing overheating. The pants are forbidden, as students are known to hide drugs in the pleats.

a) Baseball cap with Jesus fish
b) Traditional Muslim head wrap
Answer: Come on. Like we'd even let terrorists into our schools.

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