This week in the colossal waste of time department -- right behind the reading of this column -- the state Senate is considering Bill 704, which introduces a pro-choice specialized license plate for us Virginians as a counter to last year's pro-life plate.
Let me just say that specialized plates are wonderful things. Many times after being cut off and on the verge of vehicular manslaughter, my rage has been soothed by a perfectly timed “Friends of Tibet” or “Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly-State Insect” plate. Most of these plates are just the cat's meow, although strangely, there's no “Cat Enthusiast” plate yet. Hello next year's Senate session!
So last year's “Choose Life” plate is meant to resemble a little child's crayon drawing. What will the new “Trust Woman-Respect Choice” plate look like? I recommend a sperm with a red circle and a slash through it. Think of the “Ghostbusters” logo, only with a sperm. I'd rock that plate just for the entertainment value, but I also really like “Ghostbusters” and really hate sperm, so take that as you will.
In an attempt to gather more of Richmond's opinion on this important General Assembly business I attempted to read some of the 80-plus comments on the Richmond Times-Dispatch's Web site regarding the story. Unfortunately most were just from nut-jobs expressing their views on abortion. No one wants to talk about the real elephant here -- the lack of license-plate variety offered by the Department of Motor Vehicles. Trust me, I went through 190 of them and they're lacking.
Clearly I have my work cut out for me next session. “Drunk Bartender at the Wheel,” “Honk If You're Horny,” “Current Prisoner of War” (as a counter to the “Former Prisoner of War” plates we already offer) and “Stay In Chesterfield, Creep” all will be on the Senate floor if I have my say.
In the end I suppose that if the choose lifers get a plate then the pro-choicers should get one too. I'll leave you with this from the Times-Dispatch:
(Regarding the Pro-Choice plate) “I think it's going to have a difficult time” in the House of Delegates, “which would be fine with me,” said Republican Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, who as a state senator helped win passage of the “Choose Life” plate legislation last year.
Of course you think it's going to have a difficult time, Ken. You also didn't support the “Class J No. 611 Steam Locomotives” plate introduced back in '98. Well Ken, just look at us steam locomotive fanatics now, rocking our badass Class J plates. Jerk.
Well this columnist votes yes on more license plates. As for abortion, I vote yes on more license plates.
Keep up the good work in session, senators. Try to get around to that whole budget thing at some point.
Worth a Shot:
Courtesy Kat Price at the New York Deli.
Three Olives Chocolate Vodka
Stolichnaya vanilla vodka
Chill above ingredients in a shot glass three-fourths filled.
Sink grenadine down the side of the shot glass.
Layer Baileys on top.