Strip Club: Since we ended the evening without a woman beneath us, paying one to take off her clothes and pretend we're the king is not beneath us.

3rd Street Diner: We come for the greasy food and the greasier people. Thus proving that with a few bucks and a sober driver, it is, in fact, very eazy being greezy.

The Mansion Room: Ready to extend the party until sunrise? This after-hours private club is the spot. We didn't tell you this, but look for my boy "Crazy Legs Jimmy" down in the basement. Ask for some "sunshine."

St. John's Church: Drunk, historical re-enactments are what made this country great. "I will not bow to the pressures of you tyrants and your Chanello's siren song! You are but all scofflaws and vagrants. Now hear ye, hear ye! Give me a No. 6, two-chalupa value meal and nachos with a Mountain Dew, or give me death!"

Taco Bell: See above.