ARIES (March 21-April 19)
"Dear Diary: Last night my Aries friend dragged me to the Karaoke Bowling Alley and Sushi Bar. I was deeply skeptical. The place sounded tacky. But after being there for twenty minutes, I had to admit that I was having a fantastic time. And it just got better and more fun as the night wore on. I'm sure I made a fool of myself when I did my bowling ball imitation, but I can live with that. At one point I was juggling a bowling pin, a rather large piece of sweet potato tempura, and my own shoe while singing Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir"—and I don't even know how to juggle. I have to admit that this sequence of events was typical of my adventures with Aries folks. I suppose I should learn to trust that they will lead me to where I don't know I want to go."
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
In his poem "Wild Oats," poet W. S. Merwin provided a message that's in perfect alignment with your current astrological needs: "I needed my mistakes in their own order to get me here." He was not being ironic in saying that; he was not making a lame attempt to excuse his errors; he was not struggling to make himself feel better for the inconvenience caused by his wrong turns. No! He understood that the apparent flubs and miscues he had committed were essential in creating his successful life. I invite you to reinterpret your own past using his perspective.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
Even if you're an ambidextrous, multi-gendered, neurologically diverse, Phoenician-Romanian Gemini with a fetish for pink duct tape and an affinity for ideas that no one has ever thought of, you will eventually find your sweet spot, your power niche, and your dream sanctuary. I promise. Same for the rest of you Geminis, too. It might take a while. But I beg you to have faith that you will eventually tune in to the homing beacon of the mother lode that's just right for you. P.S.: Important clues and signs should be arriving soon.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
What would a normal, boring astrologer tell you at a time like now? Maybe something like this: "More of other people's money and resources can be at your disposal if you emanate sincerity and avoid being manipulative. If you want to negotiate vibrant compromises, pay extra attention to good timing and the right setting. Devote special care and sensitivity to all matters affecting your close alliances and productive partnerships." As you know, Cancerian, I'm not a normal, boring astrologer, so I wouldn't typically say something like what I just said. But I felt it was my duty to do so because right now you need simple, basic, no-frills advice. I promise I'll resume with my cryptic, lyrical oracles next time.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
Let's check in with our psychic journalist, LoveMancer, who's standing by with a live report from inside your imagination. What's happening, LoveMancer? "Well, Rob, the enchanting creature on whose thoughts I've been eavesdropping has slipped into an intriguing frontier. This place seems to be a hot zone where love and healing interact intensely. My guess is that being here will lead our hero to breakthrough surges of love that result in deep healing, or deep healing that leads to breakthrough surges of love—probably both."
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Virgo figure skater Scott Hamilton won an Olympic gold medal and four World Championships. He was a star who got inducted into the United States Olympic Hall of Fame and made a lot of money after he turned professional. "I calculated once how many times I fell during my skating career—41,600 times," he testified in his autobiography. "But here's the funny thing: I also got up 41,600 times. That's the muscle you have to build in your psyche—the one that reminds you to just get up." In accordance with current astrological omens, Virgo, I'll be cheering you on as you strengthen that muscle in your psyche during the coming weeks.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
What's the story of your life? Psychologist James Hillman said that in order to thrive, you need to develop a clear vision of that story. How do you do that? Hillman advised you to ask yourself this question: "How can I assemble the pieces of my life into a coherent plot?" And why is this effort to decode your biography so important? Because your soul's health requires you to cultivate curiosity and excitement about the big picture of your destiny. If you hope to respond with intelligence to the questions and challenges that each new day brings, you must be steadily nourished with an expansive understanding of why you are here on earth. I bring these ideas to your attention, Libra, because the coming weeks will be an excellent time to illuminate and deepen and embellish your conception of your life story.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
"Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide," wrote psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. I think that description fits many people born under the sign of the Scorpio, not just Scorpio artists. Knowing how important and necessary this dilemma can be for you, I would never glibly advise you to always favor candid, straightforward communication over protective, strategic hiding. But I recommend you do that in the coming weeks. Being candid and straightforward will serve you well.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Sagittarian poet Aracelis Girmay writes, "How ramshackle, how brilliant, how haphazardly & strangely rendered we are. Gloriously, fantastically mixed & monstered. We exist as phantom, monster, miracle, each a theme park all one's own." Of course that's always true about every one of us. But it will be extraordinarily true about you in the coming weeks. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will be at the peak of your ability to express what's most idiosyncratic and essential about your unique array of talents and specialties.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Sometime soon I suspect you will arrive at a crossroads in your relationship with love and sex—as well as your fantasies about love and sex. In front of you: a hearty cosmic joke that would mutate your expectations and expand your savvy. Behind you: an alluring but perhaps confusing call toward an unknown future. To your left: the prospect of a dreamy adventure that might be only half-imaginary. To your right: the possibility of living out a slightly bent fairy tale version of romantic catharsis. I'm not here to tell you what you should do, Capricorn. My task is simply to help you identify the options.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
How many handcuffs are there in the world? Millions. Yet there are far fewer different keys than that to open all those handcuffs. In fact, in many countries, there's a standard universal key that works to open most handcuffs. In this spirit, and in accordance with current astrological omens, I'm designating August as Free Yourself from Your Metaphorical Handcuffs Month. It's never as complicated or difficult as you might imagine to unlock your metaphorical handcuffs; and for the foreseeable future it will be even less complicated and difficult than usual for you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
People who sneak a gaze into your laboratory might be unnerved by what they see. You know and I know that your daring experiments are in service to the ultimate good, but that may not be obvious to those who understand you incompletely. So perhaps you should post a sign outside your lab that reads, "Please don't leap to premature conclusions! My in-progress projects may seem inexplicable to the uninitiated!" Or maybe you should just close all your curtains and lock the door until your future handiwork is more presentable. P.S. There may be allies who can provide useful feedback about your explorations. I call them the wounded healers.