10. Internal polling reveals weakness against Bob McDonnell's glorious head of hair.
9. Wants to devote more time searching for cornflake shaped like Virginia.
8. Vast left-wing conspiracy.
7. His other job in insurance is just too damn fun.
6. Subway has tapped him as its "Jared of the next generation."
5. Three words: Ashley Alexandra Dupre.
4. YouTube videos of his crazy pastor at Shady Grove United Methodist.
3. Joining Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show Part II.
2. Emergency 3 p.m. phone calls might conflict with his napping schedule.
1. Heard convincing arguments from his staff of three.