Science is remarkable, isn't it? We have glow-in-the-dark kittens and tiny Swiss black holes and the ability to merge celebrities into one creature (Brangelina, Speidi). And now innovations in the specialized field of Party Neuroscience have allowed us to map what sort of drink is best for what sort of mood, and to imbibe accordingly. So you never again have to fear shooting a Fuzzy Navel when you're in an Irish Carbomb state of mind.
Our handy, state-of-the-art Drink-O-Meter has arrived. On the left are examples of drinks, and at right are the corresponding moods in which they should be drunk. Tailor your behavior accordingly; this is a whole new world.